I fancy some Homer Simpson quotes from one of my all favorite shows - The Simpsons.

So here are some for today:-

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not
whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably.
The lesson is, never try.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled
child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of
TV a day.

Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out
something old! Remember that time I took a home
wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you,
but let's get through this thing and then I can continue
killing you with beer.
Homer's Brain: It's a deal!