Thursday 31 July 2003

Just got back from Accounting class.

Beautiful weather this summer really.
Man, I had a tough quiz yesterday. It took me about 5 min to understand the problem and figure out what was expected of me. So when I saw my friends get their tests back today and dropping like dead flies I was shit scared.

But somehow I got 10/10. Man was I happy
The race is on again.
Must finish this final lap flying high or else the last 5 weeks will not be worth the efforts I put in them.

Wednesday 30 July 2003

Greetings people,

For some really nice and deep quotes head over to the following page:-

http://www.onfocus.com/quote.asp

Tuesday 29 July 2003

Musings of a confused philosopher:

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

And now some of my favs:
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
To be a leader, watch where others are headed then run out in front of them.
Strangers are only friends we haven't met.

I'll post more of these soon.

Monday 28 July 2003

just read yesterday that the next season of friends will be their last...ahem ahem...{officially} this time.

Well, after ten years you would think a person would get sick of a show, well not me. I still love the re-runs and having about 95% of the eps on my computer helps.
There are numerous transcript sites on the net if you missed an episode, so be sure to check them out.

Peace

Sunday 27 July 2003

Hows everyone doing this fine week-end.
Another week passed away and today I read that Sushma Swaraj, the Health Minister of India announced that India has developed a vaccince for AIDS. My first thought was 'damm' India might be rich if this proves true.

But then I thought, this news is like a green signal for infidelity and adultry.

God Bless the Dead.

Thursday 24 July 2003

In my visit's to various Buffalo Bar's I have met people and seen people say stuff that is strange and very peculiar.

So i decided to let people know what people mean when they say something.
Here is the unofficial bar terminology

1. "YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME."
(We will not be here long enough to get another round.)

2. "I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU."
(Happy hour is about to end... drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round, they will be $4.50 a pop.)

3. "HEY, WHERE IS THAT GIRLFRIEND OF YOURS?"
(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to have sex with your girl friend.)

4. "I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL."
(FEMALE) (I am easy.)

5. "I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL."
(MALE) (I am gay.)

6. "I'LL HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN." (FEMALE)
(I am really easy)

7. "I'LL HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN." (MALE)
(I'm really gay)

8. "I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME."
(FEMALE)
(You are paying more attention to your friends than to me.)

9. I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME."
(MALE) (I am horny.)

10. "WHO'S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?"
(I have not bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.)

11. "EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO MALE) (Get the hell out of the way.)

12. "EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am going to grope you now and blame it on the crowd.)

13. "EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO MALE)
(Do not even think about groping me; just get the hell out of my way.)

14. "EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO FEMALE)
(Move your fat butt. Who do you think you are anyway? You are certainly not all that, Miss Thing, coming in here dressed like a hoochie...
In addition, get your eyes off my man, or I will slap you like the cheap sl*t that you are.)

***************************************************************************
Post more soon

Wednesday 23 July 2003

Here is the best back to school guide I have ever read in my life...

http://www.cnet.com/techtrends/0-21321525-8-21321630-1.html?tag=st.cn.1.bts.21321525-8-21321630-1
You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing him/herself in the most extraordinarily stupid way. It is once again time to vote for the Darwin Award nominees for 2003.

You may recall last year's Darwin Award winner: The man who found out moments before making a 300 MPH dent in an Arizona cliff that the JATO (jet assisted take off) unit he'd strapped to his car could not be turned off once it was turned on. 1994's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

Some of my favorite nominees for 2003 are as follows :
Note. the order in which they are posted is random and does not reflect my personal choices.

1> A Queensland, Australia man, 63, and his female companion, 64, were driving along the Newell Highway near Moree, in Northwestern New South Wales, on Wednesday night, police said. Their car crashed into The side of a fully laden, 600 meter long train at a level crossing .

The vehicle became wedged between the second last and last carriages And was dragged sideways beside the track as the train continued towards Moree, a police spokeswoman said. After being carried more than a kilometer and a half, they approached an unfenced bridge with a 10 meter drop, the spokeswoman said. Moments before they reached the precipice, the car was struck by a pylon, dislodged from the train and spun several times.

When it came to rest, the pair managed to free themselves from the wreck with minor bruising and the man set off along the railway line for help. But he slipped on the bridge and fell to his death.

2> In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.

3> A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb, slipped and fell 23 floors to his death while he was standing on a chair with wheels. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony. It's one of those freak accidents. No foul play is suspected" (get it?)

4> Ken Charles Barger,47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

5> Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18 year old farmer was the first to descend into the 60 foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said. His sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help, but they apparently were pulled by the same undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo.

The chicken was pulled out. It survived.

6> A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed.

Had he been outside or had his windows been opened , it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was "...a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas]." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.

7> A 24 yr old salesman from Hialeah, Fla., was killed near Lantana, Fla., in March when his car smashed into a pole in the median strip of I-95 in the middle of the afternoon. Police said that the man was travelling at 80 MPH and, judging by the sales manual that was found open and clutched to his chest, had been busy reading.

Thats all for now. Post more nominees soon.

Tuesday 22 July 2003

Things I wish I could say. I know most of you feel the same way:-

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I have plenty of talent and vision, I just don't give a damn.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

CHAOS, PANIC, & DISORDER - my work here is done.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Also visit http://www.saviodsilva.org/lists/f6.htm for more laughs

Wednesday 16 July 2003

All of you know me as a funny guy. One of my most favorite comedies happens to be the Blackadder series. Do catch it on TV if you can.
Here are some of my most fav insults from that series. This is Blackadder commenting on various topics:-

ON BALDRICK'S ACTING

The only decent impression he can do is of the man with no talent.

Baldrick, in the Amazonian rain forests there are tribes of Indians as yet untouched by civilisation who have developed more convincing Charlie Chaplin impressions than yours.

ON BOB

You are a girl. And you're a girl with as much talent for disguise as a giraffe in dark glasses trying to get into a polar bears only golf club.

ON THE FLYING ACES

For 'magnificent men' read 'biggest showoffs since Lady Godiva entered the royal enclosure at Ascot claiming she had literally nothing to wear.'

ON LIEUTENANT GEORGE'S ACTING

You were the least convincing female impressionist since Tarzan went through Jane's handbag and ate her lipstick.

ON PRIME MINISTER PITT

He's about as effective as a cat flap in an elephant house.

ON THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL

He's the most overrated human being since Judas Iscariot won the AD31 Best Disciple Competition.
ON SQUADRON COMMANDER FLASHHEART

Most of the infantry think you're a prat. Ask them who they'd prefer to meet - Squadron Commander Flashheart or the man who cleans the public toilets in Aberdeen and they'd go for Wee Jock Poo-Pong McPlop every time.

ON WAR

A war hasn't been fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, High Chief of all the vikings, accidentally ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.






Tuesday 15 July 2003

BTW.....i completely forgot to mention that the no of people who attended the food festival.
The mind boggling no was released today
And it was 400,000
WOW....4 hundered thousand (thats 4 lakh for folks in India)

Post more

Monday 14 July 2003

What an awesome and fun week-end.
Met tons of people at America's second largest food festival (After Chichago).
I was working for a local Indian resteraunt by the name of Tandoori.

It was so much fun...but very tiring. I guess I served food to at least five hundered people myself during the two days of Taste-o Buffalo

I'll be back next year.
I can promise that

Saturday 12 July 2003

Watched a grand marathon of Comedy Central Presents Fiday Night Standup today.

Man, some of these comics are really great
Makes me wanna have my own comedy club as a way of promoting comedy and also earning some money on the side. (wink wink)

Friday 11 July 2003

I fancy some Homer Simpson quotes from one of my all favorite shows - The Simpsons.

So here are some for today:-

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not
whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably.
The lesson is, never try.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled
child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of
TV a day.

Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out
something old! Remember that time I took a home
wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you,
but let's get through this thing and then I can continue
killing you with beer.
Homer's Brain: It's a deal!

Wednesday 9 July 2003

Well today its time to diss some layers so here goes......
Please don't sue.
hehe

==================================================================
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.

As Mr. Smith was on his deathbed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each £30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."

All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took £10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put £20,000 in the coffin." The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full £30,000 in the coffin either.

Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost £20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used £20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that." The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full £30,000."

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.

I guess that's enough for today

Laugh it all up people.

Top Ten Good Things About Having The Same Name As A Celebrity


10. Donald Trump: "I forward my credit card bills to him and the idiot actually pays them"

9. Bruce Willis: "My wife can say she saw Bruce Willis naked"

8. Tom Hanks: "Between the two of us, guys named 'Tom Hanks' have won a pair of Academy Awards"

7. Jennifer Lopez: "Who else gets to have 3am phone conversations with a drunken Ben Affleck?"

6. Brad Pitt: "Not only do we have the same name, we have the same abs" (guy lifts shirt)

5. Michael Jackson: "One check sent to the wrong address and I'm set for life"

4. Tom Cruise: "Wait, there's another Tom Cruise?"

3. Julia Roberts: "I can talk the Blockbuster guy into giving me a dollar off when I rent 'Erin Brockovich'"

2. Sean Connery: "I just nailed Julia Roberts in the green room"

1. Dave Letterman: "When people meet me, they say, 'Wow, you look much better in person'"

Tuesday 8 July 2003

Hilarious French and American Swipes:---

[Excerpts from a phone call between George W. Bush and French president Jacques Chirac]
Bush> Remember, Jacques: if it weren't for our help in WWII, now you'd be speaking German.

Chirac> I know, but consider this: if it weren't for our help in the Independence war, you'd be speaking English.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At last our prayers have been answered: Iraqi people are about to become free of their anti-democratic, power-crazed, war-mongering, decisive, ruthless ruler.
Now, friends, we start praying for American people.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The French announced today that they would not help us remove Saddam from
Iraq. Well Duh! They didn't even help us remove Hitler from France."
-- Jay Leno
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"France said this week they need more evidence to convince them Saddam is a
threat. Yeah, last time France asked for more evidence it came rollin thru
Paris with a German Flag on it."
-- Dave Letterman
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.......and my all time favorite! Why are all the highways in France lined
with trees? So the Germans can march in the shade!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
-- The French Army
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. how many Frenchman does it take to defend Paris.
A. We don't know, it's never been tried.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The best French bashing line heard over the last week is: "We can count on
the French to be there when they need us."
===================================================================================


Monday 7 July 2003

a really laugh-riot:----

A distinguished professor was arrested yesterday at Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston, Texas while trying to board a flight with a calculator, protractor, compass, and slide rule. The security crew immediately searched the elderly man when they saw him boarding with a calculator in his hand. A search of his hand bag revealed the devices. The man was charged with carrying instruments of math instruction.
Further investigation has revealed he is a member of the Al-Gebra terrorist network.

Sunday 6 July 2003

heard this one a while ago:

Q. What's the definition of Trust?

A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

I tease because I love. Specifically, I
love the power-rush I get every time you run
upstairs sobbing and lock yourself in the bathroom.


(Andy Ihnatko)
Note to self....cut down on the caffeine
goto the website below for ruminations or what I like to call RUMAnations....hehe
http://www.ruminate.com/arcs/arcs_rums.htm
My respect for Eminem increased tenfolds today

I read and then re-read the lyrics for Sing for the Moment and 8 Mile Road

Man..they are powerful
Watched "Last comic standing" and the real world today.

Man, Some reality shows are really good

Post more soon

Friday 4 July 2003

Happy Independence America

Thursday 3 July 2003

http://home.iccas.com/jimhull/Humor.html

Simply one of the deepest and funniest sites on the internet.

Hail to JIM HULL
Hello people, I'm back with some incredible movie quotes.
These are among my favs so check em out and hopefully you have noticed some of these before.

"You make me want to be a better man." -- As Good As It Gets

"The truth! You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!" -- A Few Good Men

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning." -- Apocalypse Now

"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse." -- The Godfather

"Show me the money!" -- Jerry Maguire

"Once we get out of the eighties, the nineties are gonna make the sixties look like the fifties." -- Flashback

"It's not how you stand by your car. It's how you race your car." -- The Fast and the Furious

"Just because you're a character doesn't mean you have character." -- Pulp Fiction

"I live my life a quarter mile at a time." -- The Fast and the Furious

"Houston, we have a problem." -- Apollo 13

"Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth." ... "What truth?" ... "There is no spoon." -- The Matrix

"You take the blue pill -- the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill -- you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes." The Matrix

"When you love someone, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just passes you by." -- My Best Friend's Wedding

"This was no boating accident." -- Jaws

"Dude, where's my car?" -- Dude, Where's My Car?

"I see dead people." -- The Sixth Sense

"That's all I got to say about that." -- Forrest Gump

"Mama always said life was like a box a chocolates, never know what you're gonna get." -- Forrest Gump

"You're so money and you don't even know it" -- Swingers

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it." -- A Few Good Men

"Get busy living, or get busy dying." -- The Shawshank Redemption

"I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, 'I drank what?!'" -- Real Genius

"Hasta la vista, baby!" -- Terminator 2: Judgment Day


Wednesday 2 July 2003

Hey people, here is a hilarious rap parody of the matrix-reloaded.

http://matrixessays.blogspot.com/2003_06_01_matrixessays_archive.html#200371681


Can't wait for revolutions

Hello people,

really missing all of you guys here. Missing playing cards, watching some movies or just chillin with you folks in India.

p.s also miss you maa.

Tuesday 1 July 2003

Hello people, finally moved into my new summer housing today.

Nice rooms here on south campus.

in other news, my sis finally graduated from high school last night......GO SMITA.

post more tommorow

out.